What is Serenity?
The dictionary defines serenity as the ‘state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled’.
The famous Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr asks that we have the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference between the two.
Often it takes courage as well as serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the things that are beyond our control such as traumatic events that occurred in the past, unexpected situations like the sudden outbreak of a global pandemic or political crises that have direct consequences for our personal lives.
Changing the things that we have the power to change in our daily life is sometimes less stressful than having to accept that there are other circumstances and situations that are beyond our control.
I sometimes feel that the solution lies in the reverse: in being able to allow and accept the idea that unexpected situations will sometimes conspire to disrupt our best laid plans. Being able to allow, accept and even embrace this idea is a step towards eventually gaining that state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled.
Our Essential Self and Our Surface Personality
Our surface personality and identity are made up of our character traits, perceived strengths and weaknesses and how we define ourselves (for example, by race, job title, gender, ethnicity, nationality, family relationships, health diagnoses, physical appearance and so on). This is the self that feels pain, hurt, stress, anxiety and turmoil (as well as fleeting happiness when things go well).
Our Essential Self is the Self that has never been wounded, never been hurt and exists in a perpetual trouble-free state of calm, serenity and peace. It’s the Self that we always have access to but many of us don’t know it exists. This Self lives in a state of pure awareness and acceptance (otherwise known as unconditional love). This Self is open to all experience, is aware of all experience and it transcends all experience. It is a state of being where no judgement and no resistance exists.
On the other hand, our surface personality lives in a state of constant judgement and resistance. The surface personality thrives on drama and, although it may look to “fix” itself or improve itself, it can never really be fixed because its default mode is fear.
But our Essential Constant Self doesn’t even need “fixing” or healing. Our Essential Self heals.
Some traditions call this Self, the Witness or the Observer. This Self has been the only constant part of our identity. It was around when we were a baby. It was there at the age of four. Ever present during our adolescence, twenties, thirties and it is continually present now. It was present before we were born into a physical body and it will continue to exist after we leave the physical body.
The key to serenity is being able to contact, experience and be consciously aware of this Constant Self, this state of pure awareness and acceptance. First you make contact, then you experience it, then you learn to be consciously aware of it all the time and then, you become it.
A lot of our energy is spent on resisting things that are beyond our remit to change. It is often futile, frustrating and depressing. Resistance to what is creates suffering on top of the actual situation that is going on.
However, when we accept that we feel helpless, frustrated and depressed about situations without acting on these feelings and we give ourselves permission to feel frustrated, helpless and depressed without judging or condemning ourselves, this is a first step that will eventually enable us to transcend these feelings and move closer to the Constant Self and the state of calm acceptance, serenity and peace.
The mind can choose to focus and identify with the problems of life or it can choose to focus and identify with the Sacred Space that is our Essential Self through which problems can be solved.
We can’t deal successfully with problems from the level or the consciousness where they were created (as Einstein said). When we view our problems through the lens of the surface personality, they can seem insurmountable. But when we view life through the lens of the Essential Self, clarity and inspiration results and situations can be healed.